Acting as though you assume you will be accepted and liked will ensure you come across as warm, open, interested and interesting. Expecting that people will like you (with humility, not arrogance) will in itself generate warmth and openness. It has at its core an assumption that the other person will be accepting. This is an important one.It extends kindness and warmth – two qualities that have been consistently reported by people as the qualities that attracted them to someone.When the defensive shell is dropped, the extraordinary happens. Self-disclosure facilitates a number of important aspects that have been established as important to building intimacy: ‘One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.’ The keys to establishing a real connection.Ī key feature in the development of close relationships is dropping the defensive guard. As explained by Professor Aron and colleagues, The more two people share in a novel and challenging activity, the greater the feeling of closeness. Conversation – the right conversation – can be as novel and challenging as anything. The process of self-expansion typically happens through time spent together, sharing activities, ideas and interests. By opening up to another person’s beliefs, feelings, ideology, resources and personality, the unique parts of another is added to the already defined parts of the self, and the self expands. When two people begin a relationship, each begins to ‘include the other in the self’. According to his research, intimacy is critical to a relationship because it not only grows the relationship, but also the people in it. Professor of Psychology Arthur Aron, has done extensive work in the area. There is an abundance of research that has looked at the way people develop intimacy. At least that’s how they will be seen and remembered. It’s charming, fascinating, energetic and so are the people involved. Nobody is suggesting that hearts and souls be put on the line in the name of intoxicating conversation, but intelligent, interesting conversation, with a little bit more of someone brave enough to go there, is impossible to walk away from. This calls for conversation that’s a little bit bolder and a little bit braver, but they are always the conversations that are exquisite to be a part of. This is where the real magic happens.Ī number of studies have shown that to move a conversation from the surface to a little bit more, mutual vulnerability is key. Small talk is fine to a point, but there’s one thing that sparks a connection more than any another – mutual vulnerability, powered by self-disclosure.
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